4/14/04  “WIN A DATE WITH NAT CHRISTIAN”©  by Nat Christian

Come up with the most reasonable answers and win!

They got Sandra, then Stern, now the Victoria’s Secret show was pulled as a result of the fallout from the Janet Jackson episode.  It’s not like I was going to watch Victoria’s Secret.  I mean the big secret is that most models have a hard time walking to music.

But the questions are…

What was that nipple going to do?  What?  Was it going to stab us?  Shoot us? Choke us?  Chase us around with an ax?

Maybe we should investigate it.  Wear rubber gloves when we look at it.  An oxygen mask.

Maybe THAT’S where the WMDs are!

I wonder about those censors who would rather look at Simowitzes’ ass (correst name?) on NYPD Blue rather than look at a nipple.  Huh?  Or look at “push up” bras?  What are kids TAUGHT so that it would be so vulgar to show a nipple?  And not the push ups?

Maybe they’ll outlaw whole cultures where there is nothing wrong with a woman’s upper body.  Since most men, like me, have hair growing around their nipple (ugh!), why not censor a man’s breast?  Or outlaw saying the word “nipple.”  Kids will be told that the thing they sucked on to drink their milk from was a tire iron.

What about artificial nipples from cosmetic surgery?  Can they legally censor showing that, since it ‘s not real?

I say we punish all handymen, and really low budget filmmakers, who show the cracks of their asses when they bend down.

What’s next?  The lips?  Sensual lips.   Ooh, baby.

All entries must be postmarked by April 15th 2004.  Anyone knowing Nat or associated with him will be disqualified.  The “date” will consist of walking around the Topanga Mall (Nat’s real cheap) and having some popcorn and perhaps a Pepsi. All men are excluded.  Anyone who will finance his movies will get special consideration (They will win).

WIN A DATE WITH NAT CHRISTIAN©